


Before You Slip Into Unconsciousness. A Sonnet Cycle

by TLara (larissabernstein)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: FanQ Award Winner, First Time, Kolinahr, M/M, Poetry, Pon Farr, Sonnets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2013-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-04 06:41:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larissabernstein/pseuds/TLara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First published in the print zine "T'hy'la" #33 (editor: Kathleen Resch), July 2012.</p><p>Winner of a Fan Quality Award 2013.</p><p> </p><p>(Inspired by the first line of The Doors' beautiful song "The Crystal Ship". TOS universe, with a nod to the reboot universe in the last sonnet.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Afterglow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eimeo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eimeo/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock's thoughts after their first time.

 

Before you slip into unconsciousness,

Still in my arms, your head upon my chest,

Your breath still gushing, golden skin still flushed,

Sweet sweat delightful shining in the light,

Back from the realms of pure surpassing bliss,

Green hazel jewels lidded with spent lust,

Strong muscles soft in boneless afterglow,

Strands of blond hair which tickle my dry lips ...

 

Five subtle fingers yet entwined with mine –  

A promise? Blissfully ignorant kiss?

A gesture innocent and not to blame 

For my illogical desiring you.

 

Before you sleep and wake up with regrets

I‘d like to have another loving kiss.

 

 

 


	2. Afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is watching Spock's meditating.

Before you slip into unconsciousness,

Abandoning the universe's noise

In favour of calm silence in your mind,

Your features peaceful and relaxed akin

To ocean's surface hiding feral depths,

Two chocolate pools behind blue shaded lids,

Your body ramrod straight and fingers clasped, 

Air thick with incense not exotic to

 

The one who looks at you amazed and touched –

How intimate a witness to soul's breath.

How do you get by with this onslaught of

Emotions stirred by my untamed desire?

 

Before you float inside your well-trained nous

I'd like to have another fleshly kiss.


	3. Sickbay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is at his hurt captain's side.

 

Before you slip into unconsciousness,

Welcome the blackness which abates the pain,

A steady flow of red grim witness to

The fading glow upon your paling face,

A duller looking glass for covert tears

Upon my face: the fear of losing you

While you lie still without the charming blush

Of other times when you were in my arms. 

 

Once more you leapt without demur to catch

What life had chosen not for you but me.

How dare you challenge fate just to fulfil

Its spell and kill me with your selfless death.

 

Before you weaken more than I can take

I'd like to have another healing kiss.

 


	4. Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk must face Spock on the border to plak tow.

 

Before you slip into unconsciousness,

Succumb to burning fever's ruthless force,

Reduced to longing worth a speechless growl,

Your inner gentleness unlearnt for good

Or worse: the only drive to claim a mate.

Allow the feral beast to get unleashed

And prey without regard upon no craven,

Reason and logic far away just like –

 

The man I knew, I trusted and I love

Too much to shy away from you, reject

The violence. My price to pay for your

Survival – thus I gain your life in turn.

 

Before you let your heat set me ablaze

I'd like to have another fearful kiss.

 


	5. Intoxication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is confronted with an illogical Human behaviour.

 

Before you slip into unconsciousness,

Surrendering to blurry dizzy waves,

A moving room of laughing silliness, 

A drawl of Shakespeare parody at best:

"Shall I compare thee to my Enterprise?

Thou art more lovely and more fuckable."

_And thou art sloshed_ , would other Humans say.

I fail to see the humour in your state.

 

You look at me, a frown upon your face,

Inebriate beyond belief but with

A guilty smile – "I don‘t deserve your love",

You stagger to our bed, pangs of remorse.

 

Before you "crash" to sleep off your bêtise

I‘d like to have another drunken kiss.

 


	6. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk cannot prevent Spock's leave for Gol.

 

Before you slip into unconsciousness,

Bereave yourself of memories of all

The touches, kisses, softly spoken words,

Unlearn the feel of our embrace in lust –

Is there the need to cut the ties that bound

Two lives together? Purge your soul, delete

My image, our emotions – call them filth!

Oblivion will not undo the past.

  
What have we done to us? Did I expect

Too much of you or you of me? Alas!

Go tell me you don't love me anymore,

But don't just run away and wish me luck!

  
Before you act as if I never lived

I'd like to have another untrue kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sonnet inspired a beautiful fan vid: "Dearly" by EimeoMoon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p02TSC0Wxk0


	7. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After TMP: Spock is observing his beloved bookworm.

 

Before you slip into unconsciousness,

Immerse yourself in true fictitious worlds

Of bygone days still captured in the smell

Which paper, linen, leather, ink and glue

Emit just like the dreams and dramas of

The ecstasies and miseries, defeats

And victories – the chances men will take

To desperately save their love against

  
All rules of wisdom or of foolishness.

The sacrifice we make brings out the worst

And best of us between both covers of

The book that we call a mere tide of life.

   
Before you delve into our literature

I'd like to have another wordless kiss.

 


	8. Kobayashi Maru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk must witness Spock's death in the warp core chamber (ST II).

 

Before you slip into unconsciousness,

Out of my grasp forever, poisoned rays

Have let the dagger from hell's heart stab mine.

Your blind eyes search for me, your mind calls out,

Your empty chair a cry of agony,

Our touches separated by thick glass,

Green smudges left by lacerated flesh

On your side, tears on mine left by despair –

  
A barrier enough to block the death

But not our love. You shield me from your pain,

Forbid my grief: "Shall always be your friend",

A pledge without completion – lossful hope!

  
Before you will me to be strong for us

I'd like to have another mourning kiss.

 


	9. Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spocks feelings at Kirks death (ST VII).

 

Before you slip into unconsciousness,

Drift into darkness, vanish, fade to black,

Abducted by the unforgiving stars,

And leave my aching heart and soul bereft

Of more than just its other half: its self.

My grief a heavy blanket, cold and numb,

My mind a gaping wound of tattered threads,

Your sacrifice a cut through my whole life,

  
But not my love which cannot die for you!

We often cheated death – yours just as mine.

Across the universe in time and space

We'll meet again, we'll meet again, we will!

  
Before you part from me, unclasp my touch

I'd like to have another hoping kiss.

 


	10. Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bridging the gap to the reboot universe: nu!Kirk is at the dying old Spock's side.

 

Before you slip into unconsciousness,

And leave behind a world which is not yours

To find its destiny alone without

The wisdom of the sage, old and displaced.

Your eyes were witnesses of death and birth,

Of trust and hate, despair and hope – and love

Not in a single universe alone.

What you have lost to stars and madmen you

  
Will find untouched by time and space and age:

An essence of the galaxies – a light

So golden and enchanting, calling you:

"T'hy'la!" This is more than worlds can end.

  
Before you free your katra to meet his

I'd like to bid farewell – a final kiss.

 


End file.
